we must be the past..

never thought that i would end up making one of these but then i guess i never thought a lot of things that are happening right now would happen...so i guess you could call this my way of talking to you, even though i don't really want you to see this.. i have never gone a night without talking to you. never. and i'm thinking tonight is the night that that will change...i really don't want it too be the night where i go to sleep, having one last look at my phone and seeing there are no messages from you. i'm not looking fwd to the morning, waking up checking my phone straight away and then realizing that i actually went a whole night without talking to you. realizing that this is real.. realizing that i don't have you anymore..realizing you aren't all mine. and i'm not all yours.. i don't want to believe it. i have been trying to escape the fact that i can't just go up to you and hug you from behind, that there will be no more random sweet hugs. unexpected kisses..late nights spent texting.. late nights just cuddling with each other..no more memories to be made with you. everything with you was in the past..  everything that we had is just gone, gone like that. and i don't understand. after everything, you just give up.. and i wish you didn't i really do, i would do and give anything to go back in time, maybe to the start of the year..when i went away...we emailed everyday. cute.sweet emails.. i wish i was strong enough to read them again.. i felt so wanted, so loved. and i miss that. i miss you. i miss us. i love us. and i love you...