almost

I think i almost forgot how much you hurt me..
I realised that i was just so hurt, i couldn't feel anymore pain.
Don't know if that is possible.. but life sure doesnt seem to be getting better .

and i still just want to break down and cry :(

still..

i still cry myself to sleep over you.
i still lay in bed listening to music finding some way to relate to you.
i still check my phone every second of the day hoping there will be a text from you.
i still think about what if we were together right now.
i still wish that you wanted me back.
i still wish that everything that night went completely differently.
i still don't understand why.
i still want to know why.
i still feel myself hurting.
i still don't know what to do with myself.
i still don't know whether what i'm doing is right.
i still day dream and think of you.
i still think of everything we had.
i still wish we had everything.
i still want to be in your arms.
i still want you to kiss me on the forehead.
i still want you to look at me in the eyes and say i love you.
i still want to be called 'hun, love, my love, sweetie etc'
i still want to be yours.
i still want to be able to run up to you whenever i'd like to and just kiss you.
i still want to just talk to you like normal.
i still want to think of you and not feel all these feelings.
i still want to hear your name and not automatically think of you.
i still picture your face in my head all the time.
i still just want your touch.
i still want to hear your voice.
i still want to try sort everything out.
i still want to hug you for just one last time.
i still wish we could be together..
i still wish a lot of things.
i still want a lot of things.
i still don't know a lot of things.
i still cry a lot.
i still miss you the exact same amount as i did when you left me.
i still remember everything so clearly.
i still am completely inlove with you.
and i just don't know what to do.
i love you. simple as that.

kinda don't like crying.. makes my eyes puffy.

nothings changed..

To be honest yeah i thought that things may have changed between us by now.. not necessarily that you'd want me back, but that you'd realize how much i mean to you, if what i mean to you was/is much at all.
you seem like you made your mind up a few weeks ago, and that's it. the end.
i wish i could just do that. accept that you no longer want me in your life anymore and there just the end. no more caring. no more tears. no more nights where i lay there just thinking what if.
i know what i need to do. everyone keeps telling me but ah it's just so hard. why does it have to be so hard. why do i alway end up being the one that gets hurt. why do i care so much. why can't i just flick a switch and move on and no longer care. agggghh :(..

too true.

This is true. You are perfect for me. And i'm not perfect for you..

im trying

I miss you. I miss you just so so much more everyday.
I wish that we could just be together. I know your moving on and i don't want to get in the way of that. just know that i'm trying my hardest.