still..

i still cry myself to sleep over you.
i still lay in bed listening to music finding some way to relate to you.
i still check my phone every second of the day hoping there will be a text from you.
i still think about what if we were together right now.
i still wish that you wanted me back.
i still wish that everything that night went completely differently.
i still don't understand why.
i still want to know why.
i still feel myself hurting.
i still don't know what to do with myself.
i still don't know whether what i'm doing is right.
i still day dream and think of you.
i still think of everything we had.
i still wish we had everything.
i still want to be in your arms.
i still want you to kiss me on the forehead.
i still want you to look at me in the eyes and say i love you.
i still want to be called 'hun, love, my love, sweetie etc'
i still want to be yours.
i still want to be able to run up to you whenever i'd like to and just kiss you.
i still want to just talk to you like normal.
i still want to think of you and not feel all these feelings.
i still want to hear your name and not automatically think of you.
i still picture your face in my head all the time.
i still just want your touch.
i still want to hear your voice.
i still want to try sort everything out.
i still want to hug you for just one last time.
i still wish we could be together..
i still wish a lot of things.
i still want a lot of things.
i still don't know a lot of things.
i still cry a lot.
i still miss you the exact same amount as i did when you left me.
i still remember everything so clearly.
i still am completely inlove with you.
and i just don't know what to do.
i love you. simple as that.

kinda don't like crying.. makes my eyes puffy.

nothings changed..

To be honest yeah i thought that things may have changed between us by now.. not necessarily that you'd want me back, but that you'd realize how much i mean to you, if what i mean to you was/is much at all.
you seem like you made your mind up a few weeks ago, and that's it. the end.
i wish i could just do that. accept that you no longer want me in your life anymore and there just the end. no more caring. no more tears. no more nights where i lay there just thinking what if.
i know what i need to do. everyone keeps telling me but ah it's just so hard. why does it have to be so hard. why do i alway end up being the one that gets hurt. why do i care so much. why can't i just flick a switch and move on and no longer care. agggghh :(..

too true.

This is true. You are perfect for me. And i'm not perfect for you..

im trying

I miss you. I miss you just so so much more everyday.
I wish that we could just be together. I know your moving on and i don't want to get in the way of that. just know that i'm trying my hardest.

I want to go to sleep one night. Knowing that i have something to look forward to. I love looking forward to things. i used to love going to school, cause i knew that is where id see your amazing face. not anymore. il still see your amazing face. but i wont be able to annoy you. kiss you and hug you. i miss having nothing to look forward too.

this is what i want.. i want that girl to be me, and that boy to be you.
i want to keep yoooou locked in my room forever, so i always had something to look foward too because now i just really don't :(.

the old you

i want my old life back. i miss you. i miss who you were. i miss who i was when i was with you. and most of all, i miss us. so so much. just too much :( 

everyday i wake up, hoping i wont have that stupid fucking sad feeling in my chest.
feels like my insides are crying. feels like they have been crying none stop for days..
that is the worst feeling.. you can't have fun because all you can do is think about the sick feeling you have. you keep wondering how to get rid of the feeling but you can never come up with some kind of way, it always just ends up getting worse.the more the think about it. but then, you can't not think about it. you can never win with this sad sick feeling. i wish my insides would stop crying just for a bit :(

:( 

never..

pretty much sums me my life up right now...

wish wish please come true..

here i am again..lying in bed. wishing that certain someone was just laying right next to me. i would do anything to have you lie next to me one more time. one more kiss. one more hug. i wish we were in a perfect world...just us. that would be so much fun. i know we would have so much fun, make each other laugh and smile. i wish i didn't have to wish, because if i didn't have to wish, then there would be us. :(.

SB Williams.

oh helllllllllllo there.... get in my bed ;)

Sonny Bill Williams is my second favourite boy everrrr. 

Wel, third favourite.. 

1st my daddy♥ 

2nd my love ♥ 

   3rd SBW ahh.♥

hehehehehehehhehe just so scrumptious...

this is so true. 

♥ 

i miss you so much more every day..

♥ ♥

you still cross my mind every second of every day. i still miss you so much. been over a week and wow wish we could go back in time..

♥

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFwv7LaSDuc
FAVOURITE SONG at the moment.

I had fun tonight with my girlies (: went out for dinner, then a nice little crazy drive after. stilll thought about you like a trillion million times though :(. sucks sucks suck. wish you'd think about me enough to realize that you want me. gah :(

:\

I seem so depressing..just a stage i'm at in my life i guess.

good for you

I should be happy for you...being so strong.. being able to let go sooo easily. but i'm not. just keep hurting me..it's not like i'm going to wake up any day soon and everything is going to be fine. But hey, thanks for giving a shit!...

yes?

Run away with me, just me and you. please.. that is all i want. oh and plus a cat. and maybe a few friends. Yes? Keen?... :\ i wish...

ew

To the bitches who go out of their way to make you feel like shit. dont you think i already feel like fucking shit?! Don't you think maybe this is the time when you should just stop being such a bitch?! i never thought that some girls would be just so bitchy. At times like this, when i am at my lowest i really don't need hoes fucking with me. Thanks but no thanks. i just wish more people saw it.

music..

music seems to keep me sane. lately i just haven't been able to get to sleep without listening to some eminem. ahh music i love you.

over it

I am over trying to act all happy like 'yeeea look at me im sophie. just sophie. theres noone else in my life. its just me now. but hey thats life and im algood with it!!!!!' when really i'm not!!.im over faking a smile.having to laugh when really all i want to do is run away and cry.. that yuck feeling, the chest one..the sick upset feeling. feels like you have a million litres of tears inside you just wanting to come out. that is what i feel all the time. ever since the 2nd of July i have felt that. and yes i have cried. more than three times a day. but still the feeling wont go away..'time heals everything' maybe i don't want time to heal everything. maybe i just want it healed now cause i can't stand feeling like this and then seeing you with that big grin on your face...kinda makes me want to punch you so so hard that you cry. i'm over trying to pretend now.. i think being real with myself is the best thing to do right now..acting will only make things harder and go on for longer. i really don't want to move on. and i don't know how to start and what to do..but i guess i have to. unfortunately. i hate the 2nd of July.

listen to me

sooo i guess this is my way of letting you know how i feel without actually telling you..i don't want you to think im obsessed.. i'm just upset because a long long time ago you meant the world to me..and that hasn't changed one tiny bit.. one of the things that hurts the most is knowing that you still are my love, my world...and i'm neither of those to you.. :(

i wish

i keep wishing that tomorrow is going to be the day that you wake up and realize the you miss me, that you want me, realize that you need me. i wish you would hurry up and realize it already! because it shouldnt be allowed for someone to need and want some body so much when the other one just doesn't care, doesn't want them at all. i wish i meant enough to be worth it...what did i do, what could i have done to make you want me just that bit more. i just wish, everynight. i wish all the time. and every wish is about you...maybe if i stop wishing things might work out..but i can't do that, i will feel like i just gave up on us, but then that is exactly what you did.. life is a bitch. i just wish i had you to fall back on. 

we must be the past..

never thought that i would end up making one of these but then i guess i never thought a lot of things that are happening right now would happen...so i guess you could call this my way of talking to you, even though i don't really want you to see this.. i have never gone a night without talking to you. never. and i'm thinking tonight is the night that that will change...i really don't want it too be the night where i go to sleep, having one last look at my phone and seeing there are no messages from you. i'm not looking fwd to the morning, waking up checking my phone straight away and then realizing that i actually went a whole night without talking to you. realizing that this is real.. realizing that i don't have you anymore..realizing you aren't all mine. and i'm not all yours.. i don't want to believe it. i have been trying to escape the fact that i can't just go up to you and hug you from behind, that there will be no more random sweet hugs. unexpected kisses..late nights spent texting.. late nights just cuddling with each other..no more memories to be made with you. everything with you was in the past..  everything that we had is just gone, gone like that. and i don't understand. after everything, you just give up.. and i wish you didn't i really do, i would do and give anything to go back in time, maybe to the start of the year..when i went away...we emailed everyday. cute.sweet emails.. i wish i was strong enough to read them again.. i felt so wanted, so loved. and i miss that. i miss you. i miss us. i love us. and i love you...